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September Newsletter
REACHING FOR THE INFINITE
By Matthew Budd
We have just finished the third Retreat for this year. Many of the participants were returnees from last year, and some were new to the F. Holland Day Retreats. Regardless, each of them went deeper than they had before, and left here taller and stronger than at their arrival.
As I see them packing their belongings and heading down the driveway, I have the thought that, as Pema Chödrön says, the object of life is to stay on the Path of growth and expansion, not to achieve perfection. The true warrior always returns to the Path. Each grab, each moment of suffering is her opportunity to “stay,” feel, experience, and grow into the as yet unwritten text of the next moment.
I had an amazing realization at this Retreat. A simple realization but one that inspires me. It was this: there is always “more to go.” At first this was jarring to my goal-oriented mentality. Effort was always inspired for me by a goal or a place to get to. But for the things that matter like wisdom, love, courage, and learning, there is always “more to go.” An infinity of possibilities is the gift given to us. Our soul is a bank of infinite credit.
Things, like cars, books, and clothes are finite. They have a beginning, an end, and qualities that define them. Love and compassion are without definition, to be known only through experience. Life is the ever present opportunity to transmute fear into love, to transform anger into compassion, to change depression into hope. That, I think, is the path that Pema points to.
The next hill, problem or difficulty is the present opportunity in our ascent toward full maturity, or what Jung called, Individuation. Religions name this as the God within, the spark of divinity, Buddha nature, and so on. All are pointing to the Way of the Warrior, but a never ending ascent to what? We do not know. Humbly, we simply do not know. The Path is the goal.
At this Retreat Elizabeth Opalenik brought the essence of Art into our community. Art is, in its way, the search for the next hill, the next expression or illumination, our next reach for wisdom, understanding, and penetration into the essence of things. Elizabeth, as her work shows, is a gifted Warrior on this Path.
The presence and work of Elizabeth inspired us to search for the infinite in our personal journey, in our assignments, in our reflections. We were inspired by her Art to discover our own unique artistry, our reach for the infinite.
Art stands at the edge between reality and possibility. Art beckons. Art enriches. Art insists on freedom. Art seeks to throw off convention and stand on the next hill. Art seeks novelty but honors tradition. Art is human, the essence of human life. Without Art, the soul withers.
Are you willing to live your life as a work of art, acknowledging the past, celebrating the moment just as it is, and reaching into the possibilities of your life? I know that your answer in a loud YES from the illumination that each of you brought to life this week.
“Life is short, the Art long.” Hippocrates
HERE GOES
By Susan Irish, OSM (official Site manager, of the retreat center)
As the person responsible for readings, rituals, and leading a daily morning meditation for each retreat, I've been asked to write something "spiritual" for the newsletter and to give that space in the newsletter a name. Actually, I think I am much better at seeing dust in a corner, which is why I've become the OSM.
I said, "no," to the request to write something two months ago, but promised to prepare something for the September newsletter. It's time. I can't play it safe anymore.
I realized I got stuck. I couldn't write something or give that space a name until I took to heart, claimed fearlessly that that which is "spiritual" is the moment to moment, down to earth, nitty gritty, surprisingly being stopped dead in my tracks, surprisingly flying high, surprisingly everyday routines, surprisingly once-in-a-lifetime experiences, surprising insights, surprising assessments, surprising pain, surprising spontaneous laughter, surprising risk taken that didn't result in the horrible story I was telling myself, surprising surprises all moment to moment as I take the next step on my uncharted path.
When I read Pema Chödrön's (a Buddhist nun) words in her book, Comfortable with Uncertainty, that our paths are not prefabricated, that they are uncharted, I took an unplanned deeper intake of breath and thought, "Wow, that means that I have tremendous responsibility not to waste this one precious life." She says, "The path is the goal." No other goal? You mean my obituary does not have to read like a culturally approved success story?
According to Audre Lorde it doesn't. She says in her writing on The Erotic as Power, "...once we begin to feel deeply all the aspects of our lives, we begin to demand from ourselves and from our lives pursuits that they feel in accordance with that joy which we know ourselves to be capable of. Our erotic knowledge empowers us, becomes a lens through which we scrutinize all aspects of our existence, forcing ourselves to evaluate those aspects honestly in terms of their relative meaning within our lives. This is a grave responsibility, projected from within each of us, not to settle for the convenient, the shoddy, the conventionally expected, nor the merely safe."
James Hollis, in his book, Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life, puts into words my stuckness: He asks: "Where has life, in its unfairness, stuck you, fixated you, caused you to circle back and back upon this wounding as a provisional definition and limitation of your possibilities?"
So here I am in this moment taking the risk to offer my thoughts for publication in our newsletter. I'm not settling for the merely safe by silently dusting the corners. Unconventional spirituality is the moment to moment evolution of our life experience. Don't miss it anymore.
So here goes, I'll risk it.
FHD Welcomes the National Wellness Community
By Connie Reider
At the end of the August retreat, I had the honor of welcoming Kim Thiboldeaux, CEO of The National Wellness Community to The Chalet. Kim is a dynamo of creative ideas and boundless energy. One of her visions is to visit all 7 continents, 50 countries, and all 50 states in the U.S. before her 50th birthday. I had the pleasure of introducing her to Maine, with a visit to L.L. Bean, Reid State Park, climbing Mt. Battie, and of course consuming lobsters at 5 Islands.
The Wellness Community is in its 25th year of offering "cancer support, education, and hope" in 21 locations across the U.S. as well as Tel Aviv and Tokyo. In 2002, they launched The Virtual Wellness Community to provide free professionally led online support groups. Our September retreat participants will all come from The Wellness Community of Boston; we look forward to sharing more together in the future.
As I awaited Kim's arrival, I spent some time looking at Retreat 3's closing ceremony art. My eyes fixated on the words "delicious vulnerability". The juxtaposition of words grabbed me big time and so I decided to use the grab "to inform" me instead of "determine" me. After several days of welcoming these "guests" into my house, this poem emerged.
Delicious Vulnerability
This juxtaposition of words
Is awkward for me...
Does not sit easily in my bones.
Vulnerable is "bad"
Delicious is "good".
Voices from the past
Still tethering me down.
What a burden.
What a weight of sorrow.
What a heavy price to pay for living.
In contraindication of deeply being.
Ah, to live with the words
Of Rumi,
Graciously inviting
All guests to reside within my house...
Miss Sadness,
Mr. Fear,
Ms. Rejection
Madam Not Enough
Even the Queen Bitch...
If I could learn to welcome and love them all,
To treat them with respect,
To honor the wisdom they impart.
IF...
If I could,
Perhaps
Then I could
Accept and
Love
Myself
Fully.
That
Would be
Delicious Vulnerability
Announcements & Looking Ahead
ANNOUNCEMENTS FOR SEPTEMBER
WASHINGTON-AREA REUNION!
September 30, 2006 from 2-4pm to be held at the home of Ann Gang, in Silver SpringSeptember 18th
Connie Reider will be the keynote speaker at a fundraiser for an organization called "Stepping Out for Breast Cancer".
LOOKING AHEAD TO OCTOBER
Returning retreat participant Terry Baker has been nominated for her Breast Health Leadership in Maine. The winner will be announced in October.
October 2nd, Yom Kippur
Connie Reider will be leading a study session at her temple, Washington Hebrew Congregation, about the healing, forgiveness, and creativity connection.
October 5th
Connie Reider will be speaking at the National Naval Medical Center in Bethesda at an Art Show where the focus is about using photography to cope with Breast Cancer.
Contributions
A LETTER OF LIFE, AFTER THE RETREATS
BY A. M. A.
For me, being a participant at FHD, truly was life altering. I am a new and much more joyful, peaceful, loving person. I learned how to deal with my own feelings and how to rid myself of pent up resentments that I had been piling up for 27 years. Forgiveness always opens doors. I believe that to be a true statement. I am learning to think before I speak. I ask myself questions before I make the decision to speak. I always check it out with my head and my heart. What will my words accomplish? Will they uplift someone or put them down lower than they already feel? Will they encourage or discourage? I want to be a person who does not hurt anyone, ever. With the tools that I learned I believe if I keep working at living a good life, always checking my heart to be sure that it is free of all bad things, then I will grow and in turn the people in my life will grow.
I learned that it is okay to be sad because my beautiful Heather died. The sadness comes and goes. I realize now that this is part of who I am now. She has left this world but lives on in so very many ways and everyday she touches someone else's life. She touches mine constantly. Jim and I went to see The Temptations at the Hatch Shell Saturday night. When they sang Treat Her Like A Lady, all I could think of was Matt telling me to treat my husband like a man and he will grow up. It was such a joyous night for me. Jim and I never sat down. I lived in the moment, loving every blessed second of joy that I was sharing with Jim and Heather. Had I not learned the things that I did at the retreat I would never have lived my life to the fullest in any area of my life. I have made many stepping stones from all of the little treasures that I found in the river bed and put them in Heather's Garden. When I look at them, I am right back at FHD.
I fell in love with every single person there and hopefully will have the opportunity to see them all again. I think of all of you every day. I thank the good Lord for granting me the most awesome gift of being with so many lovely, compassionate, people.
I think of all of the treasures that await my return next year. I am so looking forward to a new spurt of growth emotionally and mentally.
Sincerely,
A. M. A.
P.S. As painful and humiliating as it was to read all of the things that I had to forgive my husband for, releasing them out into the open freed me from them and now I see the love that I carried in my heart for him that was covered over by all of the pain. I am free!!!!!!
Excerpts from Forgiveness
By W.L.
Today I want to clear my angry bookshelves of Blame Volumes One, Two and Three. I pulled the heavy, woolen sweater of hurt you knitted and left it by the curb. I’m tired of dusting and polishing my trophies of supreme achievement I won at the resentment Olympics --- they are going in the trash. I release these reminders of how I remember your betrayal to make room for new chapters on my bookcase, and attire that doesn’t way me down. I release these reminders to make room for joyful expression. I release them kindly, with open hands, watching them flutter away like a moth finding an open window of escape.
I release them because they hold me back, pull me down and no longer serve me – maybe never did. I release them to let life’s winds blow in a happy new direction. I forgive you. I choose to follow my compass somewhere new. I have no space in my journey for this baggage any longer.
An Early Frost
By A. G.
I forgive you like a sailor forgives the sea
The desert forgives the sun
The farmland forgives an early frost
An autumn leaf forgives the tree
A mother forgives the pain of her baby’s entry to the world
A snowflake forgives its melting on a tongue
But most of all I forgive you for just being human
Untitled
By M. J. T.
Your kindness flows
from deep within
and leaves an indelible mark
on those around you
Love & compassion radiate
from each pore
and blanket those around you
with the knowing that someone cares
Well beyond the call of duty
you freely give of yourselves
so that others might have
the tools to learn & grow
Finding spirits such as yours
is like finding a diamond
in a
cold, dark
mine
your sparkle & enthusiasm
brings hope & promise
to those who need it the most
Always remember,
there is a special place
for you in their hearts
you are cherished by
the universe
now
amp;
always