July Newsletter
RECOVERY ???
By Matthew Budd
The term recover has always bothered me. To cover means to hide, to obscure, to place a lid over. But this is far from what I see happening at the retreats. The power of the retreats is not in what is RE-Covered, but in what is UN-Covered.
The term uncover seems more appropriate to me. To me this means to reveal, to expose, to manifest. So I would call what happens at the retreats is more like an “uncovery” than a recovery, if you get what I mean.
But what is uncovered? What is uncovered is the joy, the energy, the power of the natural state of being. We naturally are alive, vigorous, curious, loving and present. Through our CT’s, developed to protect ourselves, we become angry, defensive, defended, and hidden. Our true self is lost. “I suddenly found myself in the middle of a dark wood, where the true way was lost” says Dante as he begins the Divine Comedy.
Remember the energetic day with Lora. Each of you expressed the emotions of your pain…anger, sadness, grief, frustration, even rage. Emotionally you emptied. For some time, maybe permanently, your CT’s lost their charge. The magnitude of your defensive emotions may have even frightened you. Some of you, even while watching the person on the cushion, wanted to hide, to run from the ferocity of the emotions that you saw… that were revealed to be in you also. But you stayed, you steadied, you faced it, challenged it, went through it, and on the other side something that many of you have not felt for a long time if ever emerged… your Self. And your were conscious of it, you saw it. You laughed, you reported bright colors, you were at ease and connected deeply with other people and with the world, the birds, the flowers, the clear Maine air.
What happened was an “uncovery”, not a recovery. Something that was always there, always present, but had been obscured by life trauma and your patterns of defense emerged…and it was grand, lovely, and whole. You experienced a moment of healing.
So now as you go home you know something new… you know who you are in your wholeness. But by now life has begun to barge in. The same old job, the same old people, the same old patterns may have emerged. The same old “recovery” if you get what I mean.
But now two things are different and these two things make ALL the difference. Now you know that you have patterns that “cover”, but you also know that you can “uncover”, be vulnerable but prudent, be alive and present. You know something, the knowing of which changes everything. You know that your soul is alive and well. And moreover you know that through practice you can gradually dissolve the patterns that bind your Soul in chains and Uncover.
I remind you again that it will take practice, and the practice of practices.
We Came for Answers, Now we Have Questions
By Matthew Budd
During the retreats we discover many things. We develop further our ability to be self reflective and honest. Listening to our body and our language are tools for self-reflection. Meditation puts us in a space that assists this activity, i.e. self-reflection. We have many new tools.
We also begin to see our life as an unfolding of history, i.e personal, social, and the heritage of our species speaking life through our body and psyche, for both good and bad. We see that our history dominates our presence and robs us of freedom, creativity and love. We see that our true Self, the full potential that we are gifted with by life itself, is only partially expressed into our days, dominated as we are by survival-based habit.
As we discover this we are sometimes sad…with a sense of lost time and opportunity. We are also elated by a sense of freedom from unknown unconscious forces. Now we have met the enemy and he/she is us. In this “aha” moment our faces change, our bodies shift, we are filled with aliveness and opportunity.
Then we leave the intensity and safety of the retreat. What now?
I want to emphasize two responses to this important question in this note.
First, only by regular practice and continual learning will you be able to maintain and expand your awareness. What you experienced at the Retreat is both fragile and real. We all witnessed the expansion of the ego-self. We saw it for sure; we felt it in a mood of elation. But this way of being is fragile like a newborn infant. This expansion must be cared for, nurtured, and nourished or else it cannot grow. Practices like meditation, journaling, body-work, etc. will help. But this new opening, I call it “Vacancy in the Ego Space” must be filled or else it will collapse.
Hence the need for continued learning and creativity. Some people find therapy or actual analysis helps to nourish this growth. Courses in Somatics (Like those at the Strozzi Institute) build new distinctions in awareness. Further loosening the grip on us of our personal history (as in the Hoffman Process) can expand Ego Space and consciousness.
But when all is said and done, when we have done and continue to do our homework, the journey is ours alone. It is personal, unique, and our very own journey. There is no one to rely on, no map, and no formula. Wish as we may for someone to allow our Self to lean on, we have only our Self and the Universe, of God.
What does our true Self want in its personal relationships? What meaning do we want to cloak our lives in? What art, music, and poetry does our soul anoint?
Hillel’s questions become compelling and cry for answer. These questions are:
- If I am not for me, who will be? What does it mean to be for me?
- If I am only for me what am I ?
- If not now, when?
Ultimately there are no answers to these questions. They are questions to live with, not to answer.
I extend my love to you as you each go forth seeking your Truth.
So we came to the Retreats looking for answers, and left with deep and lifelong unanswerable questions. May your search be patient, passionate, and filled with Love.
Courage
By Lora Cecca Lyons, Somatic Coach
Courage. A powerful word, yet one I took for granted until recently.
During a conference call last week, one of the callers reported the transition she and her family are undergoing as they sell their home and leave everything they know behind, purchase acres of open land across the country and embark on designing the life they have been dreaming of for years. She was acknowledged for her courageousness. Then someone added that the word “courage” derives from the Latin room “cor” meaning, “heart”. This gave me pause.
Since that conversation, I’ve been reflecting on the meaning of courage and what inspires one to act with courage. The Oxford English Dictionary defines it as “the heart as the seat of feeling, thought.” For one to move with courage, there must be heart or passion. To be a stand for something. To continue on while facing the unknown and uncertainty. When one acts with courage, she dances between conviction and vulnerability.
As I continue my reflection – I recognize the acts of courage all around me: a toddler jumping in the water for the first time, a mother preparing for labor, a man starting his own business, and a woman who has cancer for the second time and dares to live her life to the fullest and follow her dreams. These are all acts of courage. It really takes something to push past our comfortable boundaries and extend towards something just beyond our reach.
I have the distinct honor to witness remarkable acts of courage at the healing retreats at F. Holland Day House. The participants are extraordinarily courageous and incredibly vulnerable women. They come to not only heal from a cancer diagnosis or trauma but also to reclaim their life and full self expression.
Each woman declares that she will no longer allow cancer or her past to identify or stop her. Just like a warrior princess, she takes a dignified stand as she stares at the face of fear and self doubt and claims what is rightfully hers: her own precious, beautiful life. By the end of week-long retreat, her courageousness pays off. She truly embodies her declared destiny.
These women are some of the most courageous human beings I am privileged to know.
“It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.” – Alan Cohen
Questions to invite reflection:
- What is your definition of courage or courageousness?
- Where in your life are you stepping outside of your comfort zone and taking risks? (Celebrate these!) Where are you not?
- What do you long for or yearn for that is not currently in your life?
- What is one courageous act you are willing take on in order to claim what you long for? If there was a guarantee of success – what would it be? Some examples: is there a conversation you’ve been wanting or needing to have with someone but have been putting it off? Have you always wanted to try skydiving or take up singing lessons?
- Do you have any practices to ground, center and bring you back into your body (and out of your head) in order to increase your capacity to take on new action?
- What would support your courageousness? Is there someone who can lend you encouraging support or whom you can report regularly to?
Remember… it takes just one step at a time and one breath at a time. As the famous saying goes, “Rome was not built in one night.”
I would love to hear what shifts occur when you take on a courageous act. Be bold and courageous and email me to let me know how it’s going. And if you are feeling stopped or stuck, be bold and a stand for your courageousness and contact me.
Blessings,
Lora
Lora@LyonsLeadershipCoaching.com
Contributions
Contributions
CHANGE
By V.H.
Extreme Boundaries
Scared
Alone
Heart Closed
Makeup On
Guard Up
Feelings Trapped Inside
Warrior Hiding
Change
No More Boundaries
Heart Lay Open
Feelings Pouring Forth
Wounds Healing
Makeup Off
Guard Down
Warrior Standing Ground
Change
I Changed
Hand Grenades from Heaven
By M.J.T.
When the stress and strain
of daily life
become so thick you can
literally cut them with a knife
Lie down, breathe deeply
Use your imagination
to allow the stress to release completely
In you mind build a wall
brick by brick
and on each one write a feeling
with a pretend stick
Release the anger, fear, resentment, pain
and at anytime add someone’s name
Build the wall high and wide
till all the bad feelings subside
Now look at the wall
so tall and tight
completely blocking out
the beautiful, healing light
The time is right to reconnect to that light
SO………..
Grab a grenade
give it you best toss
and all your stress will be blown up and lost
The light enfolds you like a warm tranquil lake
as the wall crumbles down and the light escapes
Now you can breathe
Now you can rest
without the weight of stress
bearing down on your chest
Journey
By K.W.
My body has been my co-conspirator in my life.
Giving me reasons
To go to bed…
And rest…
And sleep…
And escape…
Generously providing me with excuses…
Rationalizations…
And justifications…
So that I can
Give up…
Not take risks…
And stay within the small box of my comfort zone.
Giving me peace with my unlived life…
Reasons for my constant aching…
My body and my mind have been my co-conspirators in my life.
Clinging together to obscure my soul,
Teaming up to insure that my soul’s song never gets sung…
Making so much noise…
That my soul’s gentle stillness and bashful exuberance,
Are never heard…
Or honored…
Or truly lived…
One day, my mind became aware,
And aligned with my soul,
The energy was electric.
My body clamored for attention,
Making quite a racket,
Enjoining my mind
To convince my soul to be reasonable…
And understand…
The numerous illnesses
And pains…
And issues…
That my poor body had to endure and contend with.
But when my mind stood allied with my soul,
And took charge,
And were willing to gently nurture my body along…
I was free.
My vision cleared.
And my soul’s song grew louder…
And more beautiful…
And strong …
And alive…
I am free.